Do you know the muffin (wo)man?

Do you know the muffin (wo)man?

I like to bake. Granted, I am no professional baker—but I find pleasure in putting together a bunch of different ingredients and then watching/waiting for the finished product. For me, typically baking is a stress-free process—unless I reach for an ingredient and it’s not there. I could have sworn we had eggs! What—no baking powder??  Where’s the vanilla extract?? How I am supposed to finish this recipe??

When we are seeking out partners/soul mates, I often hear people talk about how someone “completes them.”  I’d like to suggest a different perspective.  Seeking out someone who complements you not completes you. Here’s why:

1.  Can I borrow some eggs?

Searching for a partner that completes us is sending a message to the Universe that I cannot bake this cake unless someone else is involved. I don’t have eggs. I don’t know where or how to get eggs. I need someone to show up with some eggs. Yay! Problem solved, now I can bake this cake.  Inherent in this message is the idea that we don’t know how to acquire eggs (develop skills/fulfill ourselves) on our own. 

2. There is no substitute for this ingredient

When we are waiting on someone to bring us what we need, we don’t look around the kitchen and see what we have that might work. Do you have egg substitute? Could I use applesauce instead of oil? What is it that I do have that I could use? You would be surprised at how much you already have inside of you(and your kitchen!!), when you slow down and look inward.

3. Am I dependent on your eggs?

What happens when you bake again? Do you need that person to magically show up with eggs? Every. Single. Time. What type of relationship does that create—not only with that person, but with yourself?? If you start telling yourself you can’t bake because you don’t have everything you need, you will start believing it. We believe what we tell ourselves.

4. How much do chickens cost?

Maybe you should just get a chicken. That might be extreme, but investing in something (you) that you have more control over sounds like a more reliable long-term strategy. You will eventually learn how to bake a cake all by yourself, that is delicious and moist…and then if, if, you decide to put icing on it that will only make it taste that much better.

You have everything you need to shine brightly—just as you were designed to do. Bake you own cake. Invest in the time needed to find all the ingredients. Should you choose to, add icing to complement the taste always remembering a good cake will taste great just the way it is.  Happy baking!!

I believe in you! Do you??!!

In good mental health,


Dr. Shawn Arango Ricks


Dr. Ricks writes forThe Organic Scholar, a blog for free thinking, socially-conscious writers. Her posts are also featured here. 

​​​​​​​​dr. Shawn Ricks